Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Back Story

This is my first time blogging.  I don't know if anyone will read this or find it informative; however, I wanted to get my thoughts out of my head and on paper, if you will.  I hope I'm not jinxing myself by talking about my pregnancy journey (this is where my husband would say something like, 'don't go down that voodoo highway'), but I feel the need to get it out while it's fresh in my mind.  Also,  I know my friends and family would like to keep informed, so here it is.

I met my husband almost 5 years ago and we got married October 24, 2009.  We met in our mid 30's and after many years together, realizing we were in it for the long haul, decided to start trying for a family.  

I discovered in my 30's that societal views of right and wrong don't hold as much water as they did when I was a teenager or in my 20's.   I say this because we started trying for a baby before we were married.  I am running out of time (currently 39 3/4 years old) so if anyone has an opinion about our trying before we were 'official,' please leave it at home.  A wise man once said, 'opinions are like body odor.  Everybody has it and everybody thinks everyone else's stinks.'  (Yes, I'm aware this isn't the correct saying but wanted to temper it for my easy-listeners.)

As you will see through my blogs, I am somewhat of a strong cup of coffee.  I say what I mean...there will be no reason for you to 'interpret' or 'decode' my thoughts...they are what I write.  I don't have time to play games and quite frankly, I find it exhausting...another tidbit I picked up in my 30's.  When around certain people, I used to try to talk/act in a way that I thought would make them like me.  Not only did it never work, I found I wasn't being myself.  So I reverted back to being me and if there are people that don't like me, so be it.  There's not much I can do about that and I find it easier to just accept that not everybody will like me.  Besides, I am surrounded by amazing friends and family and don't have any complaints.  As a matter of fact, I thank God for each and every one of them...I truly feel blessed.

Anyway, finding my husband was a Godsend.  We met through a friend and I guess you could say we were both ready for a meaningful relationship; however, as our therapist so eloquently put it, we were both 'successfully single' so the first few years of our relationship was focused on learning to compromise.  You would think at our ages we had gained enough wisdom in life to be able to recognize this and work towards a resolution quickly, but it didn't quite work out that way.  We talked about it all the time; however, when a situation presented itself wherein one of us had to give-in, we both dug in our heels and stood our ground.  I never thought I would find someone as stubborn, or as sensitive for that matter, as myself.  It's the compliment I always needed and never knew it.  By the way, if you have been successfully single and find yourself in a new relationship and can't figure out why he won't do what you think he's supposed to be doing, I have a great couple's therapist that may be able to help.  As all therapy sessions go, you both have to be willing participants.  And yes...take a deep breath...you will find out you are not always right!

In order for you to grasp my pre-pregnancy journey, I will take you back about a year ago when we began trying to have a baby.  I started seeing my gynecologist more often and discussing my issues.  (I will go into more detail about my gynecologist later but want to let you know if you're in the market, I love mine...she's wonderful).  I am one of those women that has sporadic periods.  If I'm working out on a regular basis, I have one approximately every 30 to 45 days.  Sometimes I even have 'phantom' periods.  These are where my body shows signs of having a period (i.e.:, my boobs swell, my entire body retains water) but I don't bleed.  I have yet to get a solid explanation for this but I think that's because my doctors don't know.  It's interesting...you think because doctors have gone through the grueling process of becoming a doctor (my best friend is one..trust me, it's a grueling process), they should have the answers to all your questions.  Well, the truth is the human body is a Godly creation.  There are things we as humans will never be able to figure out...He designed it that way.  My opinion is the day we figure it all out is the day the Earth will end and He will call us all home.  

Sorry...another blog for another day...back to my point.  

My girly parts are my girly parts.  They do what they want, when they want, and I have learned to deal with that through the years.  My sister seems to get pregnant by sneezing and I have another friend that can get pregnant simply by monitoring her temperature.  Man...I wish it was that easy for us, but it's ok.  To tell you the truth, I'm enjoying this journey.  I am learning so much about my body, life, medicine and the incredible avenues I can take to reach my goal.  My motto is:  Keep your eye on the prize.

I have been seeing my gynecologist for many years (I will call her 'Wonder Doc' from here on out).  She understands my situation and I think she is enjoying the challenge of getting me pregnant.  The first step we took was trying Clomed.  In 'Rox' terms, this is a drug that is supposed to help me ovulate so we can time intercourse and, in turn, get pregnant.  The process goes something like this:  Step 1:  My period starts.  I call Wonder Doc's office to notify staff and set up an appointment. Step 2:  On day 3 of period, go see Wonder Doc for vaginal sonogram (see below for specific explanation) at which point I begin Clomed (3 pills for 3 days).  Step 3:  On day 6, 7 or 8 of period, go in for another vaginal sonogram.  This is where Wonder Doc takes a white probe about 12 inches long and inserts it to look at my ovaries (I lovingly refer to this probe as Tommy Lee).  At this point, she is looking at the follicles in my ovaries and one of them needs to be about the size of a quarter, which would mean I am about to ovulate.  I have been through 3 rounds of Clomed.  The first 2 were 50 milligrams and the 3rd was 100.   My body is not responding to the Clomed.  I don't think there is an explanation for this.  I guess my ovaries are just as stubborn as I am; however, I have been told I have beautiful ovaries.  It sounded strange at first, but I have come to like being told this.  At this point, as you can imagine,  we are disappointed but are ready and willing to do what it takes to get to point B.  So because of my age, Wonder Doc decided we should cease Clomed and go to a more aggressive level.  She has recommended a fertility specialist, who I have begun to see.  I will refer to her as WD2.

I have been rambling for quite some time and honestly, getting tired of myself, so I will end here for today.  

Thanks for stopping by.  Stay tuned for The WD2 Experience.


6 comments:

  1. I would love to see a picture of my beautiful sister and her handsome husband;)
    Good job honey! I think this will help A LOT on those anxious days to just release everything!!!
    Love you! Praying for you, wishing, hoping, fingers crossed, sending positive energy, and LOTS of love to you and Arfer!!!

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  2. Good luck to you both. We will be with you all the way. Lots of love, Melina and Michael

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  3. If you ever want to chat or vent, I have been through all of this from Clomid, to artifical insemination, to IVF...it's exciting and oh so stressful all at once, but we have a gorgeous 6 year old to show for it..good luck to you! I am here if you need anything.

    Tonya

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  4. i found ur blog randomly. u are a hoot! i have many questions but i'm sure u might answer them in another rant :). here's one to start off.... are fertility drugs expensive and how did u know u were ready to take that step? (i have the same 45 day issue)

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  5. This is so exciting. Thank you for sharing your blog with me! I think you are very brave to share your story and challenge. We are behind you 100%. I couldn't get enough of your first entry, please please keep them coming and soon. By sharing your journey with others, it only allows for all the more people to put you in their prayers. I know God has a plan for you and I have no doubt things will work out just the way they are supposed to! Love you, P

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  6. Rox, I think your blog just cleared up a big mystery for me! For over a year, I haven't had a period, but after reading your blog about "phantom" periods, I think that's what's happening to me. Whereas I thought I simply wasn't having periods, I now realize that I had all the symptoms of a period, just no bleeding. I had a regular checkup about six months ago with a papsmear, bloodwork, etc. and everything showed up as normal. Since reading your blog, I've been researching it and I really think the phantom periods make the most sense.

    Thank you for sharing your journey with us, and you and hubby are in my prayers. My good friend went through it all and after FOUR IVFs, she now has beautiful 2-year-old identical twin daughters. Good luck, sweetie, and I'll be following along your journey sending you lots of virtual love and support.

    Jen (Gooch) Wasserman

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